The Kid at the Lunch Table

I’ll probably delete this, but I feel trapped. Apparently I’m pathetic in my feelings for another person. And maybe I am. But I don’t know what else to do. I love him and I wouldn’t change anything. Not the way I feel everyday because I have learned to be selfless. And that’s something I never knew how to be until now.

If I have learned anything, it’s been to really love someone. And expect nothing in return.

Why is it every year this time of year. There is always some boy that I’m trying to keep up with. This year is slightly different, after all I’m not dating anyone. But texting 15 times a day to get a one word answer is bullshit. I should act like a guy and not give a shit about anything. Easier that way.

I’ve been struggling with a lot lately, I feel as though I’m not up to par with everyone else. Like what I do isn’t good enough compared to those around me or that I’m just not good at anything at all. I will do anything to be the best at what I do. I have pushed myself before and achieved academic success. But in art school I find myself having to keep up with my friends and my best friend. Who are all amazingly talented. But art is subjective, and there are always going to be differing opinions on what is good and what is not. You just have to create something for yourself and believe in that. Fuck if it isn’t as good as the person sitting next to you. You created it and it was yours. You are brave to put your work out there. And that is enough.

I think today showed I need to listen to my best friend more. He knows what’s up!!!